


till the heavens burst and words don't rhyme

by dogdads



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bands, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Porn with Feelings, Romance, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-14 03:33:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15379758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogdads/pseuds/dogdads
Summary: today, thoughts of chanyeol cross jongin's mind several times, which is way too many times more than necessary





	till the heavens burst and words don't rhyme

**Author's Note:**

> written for [@NiguMaru's](https://twitter.com/Nigumaru/status/1007517730302459904) chankai fest. ty for hosting this fest and bringing artists and writers closer <3
> 
> for twitter user [@ThunderMeetsEXO](https://twitter.com/ThunderMeetsEXO). sorry if this wasn't what u were expecting :c let me know if u have an ao3 acc & would like me to properly gift u this!
> 
> also, without [nadia](https://twitter.com/Perfectlyafool) this wouldn't have been possible. cheers to u loml

**ONE.** _first you want to ride off into the sun_

wild. wild hair of copper. no, not copper. even darker. scarlet? dive deeper, deeper still. sangria, or something as such. something similar to burnt red. it's split apart, separated at a side, like moses did the red sea. the people who believed followed him on the dry grounds of sand and dust, sacrificed everything else and crossed the vast sea.

today, thoughts of chanyeol cross jongin's mind several times, which is way too many times more than necessary.

how long has he been staring? too long, to the point not a strand of chanyeol's hair remains unfamiliar to him. especially not the way he talks - loud, with his hands moving about all over the place unnecessarily, the drum sticks in his hand threatening to jump out of his grasp in any minute now. the way he runs a hand mindlessly through his wild mess of a hair. it's a whole scene. it's already sticking up as it is, but with the movement, it gets even messier. stubbornly, they fall back into his eyes and chanyeol grunts in frustration. jongin thinks his heart stops just for a moment.

the way chanyeol looks at him - it's nothing special, he knows this. he looks at all of their band mates this exact way: scowling, eyes squinted like he's always trying to find something out of orderly just so he could fix it, mouth twitching to say something that only an asshole like him would say.

and still...

yet, still...

even still, when chanyeol turns to look at him, the same way he does any other person, why does jongin's breath stop midway in his lungs. as if he were drowning, deep, deeper down still, until he could no longer hold his breath. and.

and chanyeol's staring at him now. he's saying something. what was that. it flies right over jongin's head. nothing rational registers in his mind. not now. not when chanyeol's mouth is just so...

how _is_ chanyeol's mouth like? kissable. and that's all he can say about that.

 _kissable_.

"jongin, does it kill you to pay attention at least once?" chanyeol's voice finally snaps jongin out of his mind back to reality. he looks around their practice room. members of their crew are sprawled around wherever, looking just as bored as he is.

sehun and baekhyun are sitting on the floor with sehun's head on baekhyun's shoulder as he fingered a loose thread on his jacket. sehun mutters something so silently, almost a whisper, not quite, lips brushing near baekhyun's neck. it makes him giggle. sehun's laughter breaks like waves against rocks into the space between baekhyun's jaw and his shoulder.

across them, minseok sits at the keyboard, mindlessly tapping his long nails, now painted with something glittery, sparkly, reflecting light, reflecting who he is on the inside: someone who isn't afraid, doesn't hold back. never.

jongin can only sigh and take in a deep breath. it wouldn't be the first, second, nor the third time that chanyeol would specifically target him, separate him from the rest, and snap at him. it annoys him so much. how chanyeol has the nerve, the power, to make him feel all sorts of feelings all at once.

it isn't easy.

"hey, did you hear anything i was saying?"

pretending like he doesn't love chanyeol isn't easy.

jongin looks up and locks his eyes with him. it pulls him in. where, he doesn't know. because even with all that, he still feels trapped. like an unauthorised invader stepping into private boundaries.

it isn't easy trying to deal with chanyeol's bullshit while simultaneously wanting to kiss him.

"sorry, my mind wasn't here for a while." he brings himself closer, smaller. holds himself back. closed off. it's better this way. it's for the best.

chanyeol's expression doesn't waver. he doesn't look pleased, but then again, when does he, these days? his face twitches, and he runs a hand through his hair once more. it falls back down to his face. again.

"that's exactly it, jongin. your mind is never here. how many times did we stop practicing just now because you couldn't get your head in the song?"

"what's your fucking problem, asshole?" jongin bites back.

"what's my problem? what's _your_ problem? we can't keep stopping practice every fifteen minutes just because you can't even pretend for a fucking song that you have actual feelings or emotions," chanyeol grunts, nearing so close to him, to his face. "you don't care, i get it. but at least _try_." he probes one of his drum sticks at jongin's chest with his accusations. it tugs him, his heartstrings, his _feelings_.

 _feelings_ chanyeol assumes he doesn't have just because he couldn't bring it into a song at the moment because he's so wrapped up with chanyeol. doesn't he know jongin is bursting with feelings for him everyday to the point he has to hold himself back to not make shit go, well, like this. _south_.

jongin is becoming livid with every passing second, every heartbeat. how dare chanyeol. how could he. he slaps the stick away from him. chanyeol watches in genuine surprise as it falls on the ground and rolls away. this time jongin leans in. so close. _too_ close. anger flashes in his eyes, flushes his face in red. red. so red. burning. red. sangria in his soul.

"you can't pick on me whenever you feel fucked up," jongin whispers. "i told you i wasn't in the mood. pathetic of me to assume you would understand. what was i thinking." jongin pushes chanyeol away from his face, from his sight.

never from his mind.

he stands up and starts to collect his things. when he's done, he zips up his bag and quickly walks toward the door. his hand is on the doorknob when chanyeol snickers. jongin pauses to spare him a glance.

"you aren't. you never _think_."

jongin turns around. "what?"

"so what. you get pissed and we gotta stop practicing? we have no time for this. come back.” that look, that damn look on chanyeol's face while he says it, like he's proposing a challenge. a challenge he is sure jongin would turn down. this is what he always does. provoke jongin and then give him an ultimatum, make him look like the asshole. the others are silent. they seem alarmed, but they don't speak up. except for minseok who nods his head toward jongin's mic stand.

jongin may be angry at chanyeol, but the idiot was right. he can't blow out practice for everyone else just because of chanyeol. anger burning all around him, inside him, he walks over to the platform where all of them are, drops his bag on the floor and grabs the microphone with shaky hands.

"start playing."

an awkward silence continues. baekhyun and sehun are frozen where they sit. chanyeol goes over to his drums and says, "you heard him. start playing."

so they start playing.

x

for something so wide and big, so pure, chanyeol's eyes often gave the impression of being rather unwelcoming. jongin would catch his eyes many times, catch him staring at him out of the blue, and he gets to watch a blanket of shadows fall on chanyeol's face when their eyes would meet. it's like he would switch off his emotions on purpose, switch himself out of jongin's interpretations of what this could be - could have been.

there's something in his eyes that could make anyone nervous, hesitant. uncomfortable. his gaze, relentless, _penetrating_ , would pin jongin down. so deep and pitch black. not a speck of colour in them, not even under the beaming sunlight - just an empty-seeming pit of ebony. 

sometimes jongin would wait to see if something ever changed in chanyeol's eyes. they do. when he smiles. laughs with his whole body. they do, then. then why not when they're fixated on jongin. never then. right. maybe sometimes, but jongin can't remember when that was. before things between them changed. of course it was then.

lately, chanyeol would have a redness spreading beneath his eyes. they would often be puffy, tired - from sleep deprivation or what, jongin doesn't know. he rubs them a lot with the palms of his hands whenever he became sleepy or worn out. so much that it had become a habit even when he was in a better state.

jongin worries for him. not just because of his feelings for him, but as a band mate. a friend. he knows how badly chanyeol tends to overwork. would say performing was his drive, what kept him going, and life was just full of shit, so cruel to him that he would rather kill it with his bare hands before he would himself.

for the most part, he likes to act like he's got such an immense hatred for everything before him, _everything_ , except doing what he does on stage. people who come to see him, love him for his music. his songs, his talents.

if they want to fuck him, he says, it's a bonus.

"is fucking a bonus to you?" jongin had slurred out one night while the two of them had been drunk out of their sanities. too shit-faced to give a single shit anymore. still in their concert outfits, chanyeol's platform heels still on, makeup running down his high-rise cheeks alongside sweat. and tears? maybe so. who knows.

they had been lying on the carpeted floor of a hotel room, and this would be where jongin and chanyeol first kissed, the moon looking down at them with great pride.

when he had said this, chanyeol had turned to look at him, black eyes of nothingness fixed on him. the heat in his eyes instantly collects into jongin's memory, the moment engraves itself on the front lobe of jongin's mind where it will decide to stay for a long, long time. haunting him of what it could be. what it could have been.

"isn't everything," he had said - sighed into the air around them. "isn't everything a bonus? fucking, drinking... being here with you right now, whatever. i didn't sign up for any of that but i'm right here, aren't i."

"yeah.” jongin has to agree as he carefully takes in the emotion, the rawness of chanyeol's words - breathes them into himself. “you’re right here."

jongin doesn't remember who made the first move. up to this day, all he remembers is how one moment they had been drinking and talking whatever bullshit that sounded fucking philosophical to them right then, just for the hell of it - and another, jongin was straddling chanyeol, pinning his hips down, bracing desperate claws on his shoulders. he had leaned in with the smile of a devil and chanyeol had raised his head to meet him there halfway.

"you're right here," jongin had whispered again, just because he could.

and then they kissed, with chanyeol's fingers restlessly moving from his chest up to his neck, then all the way around to the back of his head, threading themselves through jongin's sticky, sweaty hair, and in the process, pulled him closer. so close. _too_ close, until they could hardly breathe. they didn't need to. not at that moment. right then, jongin hadn't needed anything else besides chanyeol. he needed only chanyeol beside him.

in retrospect, the thought could have fleeted his mind momentarily at the time, right then, with an armful of chanyeol whining into his mouth as though he had wanted this, _him_ , just as much as jongin did. _does_. maybe he knew this then. the way he knows it now.

he wonders if chanyeol had kissed him, and then held him, brought jongin's face close to his chest, right above his fluctuating heartbeat, where they had fallen asleep, and slept still until the sun awoke, just because jongin happened to be right there. a convenience. was that what he was.

he too had been right there, right then, wasn't he.

x

chanyeol's legs are lean but of strong muscles. they hold him up steady, sturdy. no wonder tight fitted jeans look amazing him. especially the black pair he always wears, the ones that don't quite fit on his narrow hips and has stylish cuts on the knees and thighs. more skin than fabric. which was alright, nobody was complaining.

he has to buckle his belt as tight as it goes, the rest of the red strip usually hanging off of him, swinging with every movement his hips made. it makes him appear a lot more dangerous and intimidating than he actually is. especially paired up with his tattoos and all the heavy jewelleries on him. he's more silver and ink than human, the guys would joke around sometimes.

valuable, that he is.

as jongin gets his hair done for their performance, he catches what chanyeol is up to in the reflection of the mirror in front of him. they have him bare except for his underwear and all the makeup on his face. there's actual glitter right below his eye, made to look as though it's dripping down his cheekbones. something to re-enact tears.

chanyeol's fiddling with some costumes and jongin can see that his nails are painted just as dark as his lips are. he suddenly looks up, long lashes flapping much like a confused bird's wings. he must have felt jongin's eyes on him.

jongin always watches when chanyeol’s getting dressed up, made up. made pretty and sweet. always.

but before anything happens, not that jongin has the heart to suspect it will, chanyeol's attention returns back to his outfit.

he had hoped something would have happened. does he ever learn.

the stylists are trying to make him wear fishnet tights. he manages to pull it up with much effort and a lot help. they are simple and black, and clinging very, very tightly on to his skin. its strap lie a little further up on his stomach, right around his waist.

it's easier from here. now he only has to pull on his usual pair of jeans. only this time, the hosiery beneath peak through the holes on his legs. jongin watches as he throws on a graphic tee and an oversized bomber jacket above it, and then he's good to go.

the other guys hoot and whistle at him in approval. baekhyun goes up to him, slaps his back, and says something to his ear which leaves chanyeol red. absolutely red. there's an earring on one of his ears and it dangles furiously, almost mockingly at jongin. he pretends like the thought of baekhyun being that close to chanyeol doesn't bother him at all. it shouldn't. right?

"jongin, what do you think?" minseok says.

he's all done with his hair so he turns back around to face everyone. he doesn't know what he'll do to minseok if he was purposefully asking him about chanyeol. he just couldn't deal with that right now.

"about what?" he asks, hoping to sound nonchalant.

minseok rolls his eyes. "the set list. what else? we revised it and added _sugar me sweet_  in the place of _heart of mine_. did you check it out? i hope it's cool.”

oh. “oh, yeah, definitely." not that he had remembered to do that. there's so much of everything else on his mind. "it’s cool." it's not. it's really not. he had written that song. _heart of mine._ it's his song, which he had dreamt of playing with the guys for a long time now. he might just never get a chance at this point.

minseok nods in response, not noticing jongin's crestfallen face. just then, a staff with a clipboard pokes her head in to tell them they're up in fifteen. the three of them - minseok, sehun, and baekhyun - gather their things to leave. jongin doesn't move and neither does chanyeol.

everyone besides them starts to hurry out. sehun doesn't forget to lean in for a kiss jongin's forehead. it's for good luck or whatever. he's been doing it before every gig ever since the time jongin cracked his voice in the middle of a song and experienced some of his worst days, career wise, afterwards. he had beaten himself over for something he did not even have total control of, and right then, sehun had been with him. always has, so it's a nice gesture. this is nice. he feels a lot more relaxed already.

the air in the room with only chanyeol and him is, however, the exact opposite.

to avoid any further awkwardness, jongin quickly gets up to leave as well. he needs air. just as he's about to, chanyeol comes to stand before him. blocks the door with his back and looks at him in the eyes. his gaze, it so desperately feels sincere and so genuine.

"chanyeol -"

"jongin, listen -"

how ironic that they start to talk at the same time. jongin sighs. "you go first."

“that sucks, huh?” he says, probably about what happened to jongin's song earlier.

“look, if you're gonna be an asshole about it, keep it.” he would never, though. jongin doesn't know why he said it.

chanyeol frowns. "no, no, no. i actually wanted to talk to you. about... the things i said earlier. it was so shitty of me and you don't deserve that at all."

"earlier, like when. because this could go on up to any point and you'd always be an asshole."

"i know,” chanyeol says like he's guilty.

"and?"

"i'm sorry. i really am," he whispers.

jongin's about to ask why. why had chanyeol gotten mad at him even though whatever they did was exactly that: made up of both of them. he can't blame it on jongin entirely. they had both been drunk, too drunk, and maybe they shouldn't have done anything they couldn't handle had they been sober, either.

but.

things just escalated from there. kept on going. spiraled out of their control. and they did too. kept on kissing like the mad world had come to an end.

jongin opens his mouth to say something. it takes a while for him to find his voice, but before he can do anything about it, chanyeol is kissing him on his open mouth so hard there's no room for words to escape anymore. it's not a bad kiss, not really. not when it's chanyeol in question, his mouth, his soft, soft pair of lips. but it's not nice either. there's still confusion within jongin, and he doesn't have much energy in him left to spare to kiss chanyeol back.

he pushes chanyeol. shoves him away with a grunt and chanyeol staggers back, slamming his back against the door. if anything, he looks hurt but not shocked. he shouldn't be.

"you can't just... _kiss_ me like that,” jongin breathes. “if you're going to fuck it up again."

he can't truly hate chanyeol for handling the situation the way he did - does. not when he sings along to to chanyeol playing the drums almost every day of his life. every single day, at least, he embodies what it's like to be one of those statues inside christmas snow globes. the ones that should be switched on so they spin around to the music as the snow falls around. helplessly spinning around and around and around and - until it's stopped, or loses its energy to keep going. and so does the music.

on stage, they're one. they're part of the same band, playing the same songs and living a similar, familiar life.

on stage, jongin turns back around to chanyeol several times while singing, just to have some kind of a connection with his band mate. partly for fan service, mostly because he can't help himself.

they have their moments, their eyes meeting like travelers on an escapade meeting once more at the intersection at one point after they had part ways at a split road. melancholic, yearning and hoping for _something_. because they are exactly that. people who stand on the same ground but different roads, going at different directions. or something like that. right? he thinks so.

sometimes jongin forgets he's on stage, performing for thousands of people, performing for himself, and so is chanyeol. offstage, it's all the same, still. except now, there's no music in the background, no applause when jongin uses his words with his heart at his throat. it's silence against silence, and jongin realises now how overwhelming, tremendous, and fucking _tragic_ it can be to be trapped in the vacuum, void of all sounds.

their song 'sugar me sweet' was written by chanyeol when he had only been eighteen. the song talks about love as though it was the most delicate, most vulnerable thing on earth. one touch too strong, one wrong move, and it could shatter into nothing right in front of your eyes. he describes it as an overwhelming feeling, a state of mind and soul, to be in love.

but when they were twenty, on one of jongin's bad days, chanyeol had rocked him back and forth in attempts to make him fall asleep when he could not - and surrounded by nothing but chanyeol, jongin learns then, right there as they were, that love is _everywhere_. how he touches love every time he touches chanyeol. he sees love in him, hears it when they sing together. feels it. senses it around him. _everywhere_.

it's _everywhere_.

x

chanyeol's hands are big and rough. at first glance, you won't quite expect them to be anything but. they are warm like everything else about him. his fingers are long and thin, and there are permanent loops of purple around his knuckles from wearing rings that were too tight on him for long hours.

jongin had always suspected them to be bigger than his, as most of chanyeol is compared to him anyway. the first time he holds them and actually gives it a thought like it means something, they had been ice skating and jongin could barely balance himself on his own.

there had been upbeat music blasting from the speakers, sounds of people chattering, the chords of his heartbeat evolving into a chaotic mess. above all of that and the fear he was experiencing then, he could barely hear anything, but he could _feel_ , well and clear, the way chanyeol grips first on his arm to keep him steady before enveloping their hands into one.

right then on the snow and on top of the world, cloud 9, and safely locked in jongin's heart chanyeol stayed - jongin realises chanyeol's hands are just a little bigger and so much warmer than his own.

 

 **TWO.** then _you want to shoot straight to the moon_

in the ninth chapter of the acts of the apostles, during the conversion of saul of tarsus, the lord said to ananias, "go! this man is my chosen instrument." that is what chanyeol is to jongin. _chosen_.

chanyeol is a musical _genius_. he learns instruments by ear, can recognise the arrangements off of one listen and could play it back as if he had been playing nothing but that for his entire life. he had first learned the guitar, electric and otherwise, then different types of drums before he had moved onto the piano. he can and has been producing music since he was a teen. ever the humble, he doesn't even act like it's a big deal. it is. especially when he is that good, so gifted, with everything he does.

" _what about your voice. that's an instrument too, isn't it?_ " jongin had asked once. he would. he thinks the same, anyway.

" _you would think so._ " jongin had giggled because how does chanyeol know him so well. "it's just a bit cheesy, don't you think." he doesn't. in reality, neither of them do. " _you're the type to say your heart is an instrument, and anybody playing with your feelings are strumming your heartstrings with their fingers. am i wrong?"_   he wasn't.

these days, it doesn't take much for chanyeol to lose him temper. he snaps out of nowhere. it hadn't been this worse before, but with the drinking and all the stress comes its consequences, jongin supposes.

his fingers tremble at times. too much until he couldn't even play certain instruments and had to be on a hiatus for sometime. and that broke him like it would any musician. he would get frustrated that he couldn't play nor still his mind enough to even write a simple song. he would cry about being so fucking stupid, so useless and everything else which were - are - all lies.

that's the thing about chanyeol. he is just as delicate and vulnerable as his songs, as the love he writes about. so when he gets mad, he has to cry it out, sometimes by himself in the dark of his room.

sometimes on jongin's shoulder with his arms wrapped around him, wet lips trembling on jongin's neck with muffled words.

he's so, so scared, he would say. no matter how many times jongin reassured him that it's going to get better, chanyeol wouldn't believe him. not then. he would keep apologising for acting this way. why should he. he's allowed to feel. it's only human.

 _at least you're self aware_ , jongin would joke. neither would laugh, and he would continue to rock him back and forth, back and forth, until chanyeol falls into a slumber. then, jongin would lay him down on the bed, pull the covers over his freezing body, brush away the strands of hair from his forehead and leave a kiss where they once were. he would kiss each knuckle, once, twice, and let go.

only for chanyeol to reach back to him and plead for him to not leave. love begs, love pleads. but this is hardly love, right? constant push and pull. how can it be love. he could be wrong, though.

what does he know about love.

x

chanyeol and jongin have been friends way before time.

they had gone to the same high school, experimented with the same instruments, and have grown up to want and love the same things. this makes it easier for them to be there for each other. it doesn't matter who comes and goes, they'll always have each other. maybe this fact, this assurance was what kept making chanyeol push jongin away. he could be scared. of taking it further, to the next level. perhaps even if they had tried to remain the same, everything else just wouldn't be.

jongin has recently started to notice something about chanyeol. something new. he's starting to soften up to him. that's news. not that he wasn't a decent person before, but this is different. this is after they had _fucked_ and proceeded to fuck everything up. that's solely chanyeol's fault. whatever.

usually when jongin got too distracted during practice, he would get scolded right then and there. but these days, chanyeol would pat his back, says _things like this are inevitable._ _understandable_. they are, just not to chanyeol. or at least before.

another thing. his touches linger. on jongin's back, his thighs. he ruffles his hair in public, messes it up. for what reason. jongin could have, maybe, imagined that by himself. please do not let it be a dream. if so, he doesn't want to wake up. guarantee him one last thing just this once.

x

they are in all black from head to toe. except for chanyeol's hair and the silver rings on almost all of his fingers. even the tattoos covering most of him are black - some of them are coloured, a kaleidoscope of ink running in meaningless swirls around his neck, back, chest. where else, jongin can't remember now.

he's wearing a leather jacket, similar to the one jongin's wearing too, the only difference being that his was much bigger on him, unzipped and falling down his shoulders to expose his bare skin and the fact that he wore nothing beneath it.

after a couple of songs, they had to take a long break because baekhyun had been feeling unwell. the guys hurry backstage to grab cold drinks and towels to dry themselves off with. before jongin could grab one for himself, chanyeol offers him one. it's then that he notices how sweaty they had become. the front of chanyeol's body is entirely drenched, looking slick and almost glossy.

is it a bad thing if jongin wants to lick him whilst he stayed still.

jongin takes the towel without a word, and their fingers brush for a few seconds, maybe even less than that. it is so quick, so fleeting and evanescent, that for a moment jongin thinks he must have dreamt up the interaction in his head. but the way his heart throbs afterwards as he sees chanyeol's face says probably not.

"i, uh, wanted to show you something," chanyeol says, looking at everywhere but him.

"what is it?"

"come with me." before jongin has the time to reply, chanyeol takes him by the wrist. fuck it, right? jongin lets chanyeol lead him through the sweaty bodies, and into a small closet.

it's just that. _small_. jongin knows neither of them are claustrophobic or anything like that but anyone would feel uncomfortable staying in here for too long. there's one light bulb hanging from a wire on the ceiling and even that looks like it might snap and fall on their heads any minute now. a table stands against the wall, across the door that chanyeol closes behind them. on top of it is chanyeol's computer and two speakers plugged into it. 

besides that, apart from the two of them standing so close -  _too_  close - to each other, there's nothing there. no room for anything else for their heavy breaths and heaving chests and the heat around them takes up all the space there is.

like this, jongin can smell the fading scent of chanyeol's perfume. it smells bad, even awful now that it's mixed with his sweat. but given the situation, given the proximity of their bodies, jongin's starting to feel queasy. he doesn't understand if that's a good thing, but there's something in his head telling him this could be a bad idea, chanyeol is bad news.

is he, though. jongin doesn't know anymore.

"so," jongin starts, cringing inwardly at how breathless and nervous he sounds. he brushes it off as a post-concert effect. "what is it that you wanted to show me?"

"oh, yeah. i was feeling kind of bad about the _heart of mine_ situation so i rearranged it a little. just a little, though." he sounds excited as he leans his large frame over the computer and starts tapping around. "the original one sounded just a bit chunky so i fixed that. i wanted you to be the first one to hear it as soon as possible, you know. but then we had this gig and all the practices, and it kinda slipped my mind right about until we were right on stage. here, let me play it for you."

the music starts and it's extremely loud, so chanyeol chuckles and lowers the volume quickly. jongin stays silent, kind of taken back, until chanyeol straightens up to look at him. and he's still looking at him, like he wants a response, something - anything from jongin.

but he's still so much in shock. because... that's his voice that's coming through the speakers. less deeper, it having being recorded years ago. the song sounds only a little different now, but it's crazy how chanyeol changed it for the better.

"that's really... my song." it is. his song. his own song that he had written by himself, but had gotten it rejected to be featured on any of their albums. and now, it had been removed from their set list last minute. it's not a good feeling. _you'll get there, you'll get there soon_ , they'd said then and they say it now. he'd told himself that he was a vocalist and had no reason to get bummed about not being able to write songs, but isn't that what musicians do. 

isn't that what chanyeol and the rest of the guys seem to do so effortlessly. maybe it just wasn't a good song, he had told himself and stopped trying ever again.

"yeah," chanyeol exclaims, bobbing his head up and down to the tune, his hair matted down completely onto his wet forehead. "there really wasn't much to change anyway. you've so much potential, i don't know why you would let someone else discourage you from doing something you could have been doing so well now if you hadn't stopped then."

it's true. he had only been sixteen. _sixteen_. sure, chanyeol was writing songs then, too, but he was two whole years older. like chanyeol said, had he kept going, he would have been good by the time he was eighteen too. maybe.

"maybe," jongin whispers. "i don't know what to say." or how to feel. then, just to lighten up the mood, he says, "i didn't think i’d hear that damn song in years. thank you, chanyeol."

chanyeol's face is red. his face is actually _bright_ red and keeps on reddening up even still. "it's no biggie. it's just whatever." he looks away, scratching the back of his neck.

"no, of course it's a big deal to me. look at me, chanyeol," he says softly, taking chanyeol's hands in his. just a little bigger and warmer than his own. he notices this every single time. "is this your way of trying to make it up to me? because i really, really hope so. i appreciate this - _you_ \- so much.”

"that's why i'm trying," chanyeol says. his voice is full of desperation and vulnerability. his lips shiver with each word. "i'm trying so hard to better myself. i did a shit ton of thinking. i freaked out, i know. but whatever we both did is on both of us and i shouldn't have treated you that way for something i was equally involved in. i know that now.”

“why would you, though? you wouldn't even talk to me properly.”

“i was scared, okay. i know it's not reasonable but. i was so fucking _terrified_ of how hard i was falling. i couldn't control myself, and you were always there to catch me.” chanyeol inhales sharply. "after that night i... woke up, my head was spinning. you were next to me, and i went nuts. i thought you would hate me for it so i wanted to distance myself. from you."

"you can't _assume_ what i'm feeling, chanyeol." jongin takes in a deep breath. "well, is it enough? you trying… is that _enough_?"

"is it?" chanyeol says with hope in his words, eyes and possibly in his whole heart.

it could be. it just might be enough. for now. for now, maybe it's alright to keep on going and not stop for once. keep on going.

"do you really mean it? about what happened at the hotel at the time? i swear i don’t remember shit from that night anymore. all i remember is you giving me the cold shoulder everyday after that.”

chanyeol shrugs. a bitter smile growing on his face. “i do, a bit.”

“yeah?” his arms travel up chanyeol's arm and locks them at the back of his neck. chanyeol seems to like this very much. “who fucked who?”

now it is chanyeol's turn to look taken back. "really?” chanyeol snickers. his face softens. "you fucked me.” he holds jongin by the hips and squeezes the flesh. then, ghosting his mouth over jongin's ear, he says, “so good. i couldn't stop thinking about it. about you. i thought it was going to kill me.”

“i’m going to kiss you now," jongin says. warns.

there's no time, no space - _nothing_ \- for chanyeol to say anything. he replies in the way he kisses jongin back, pushing and pulling just as hard as jongin does. when their mouths collide, so do their bodies, and together like this, they become a mass of chaos. maybe it's due to the adrenaline rush he feels during and after every concert, but jongin just can't help but feel extra hot and extremely aroused already.

the first thing chanyeol says to him when their bodies crush against each other is, "can i suck you off? i really, really want to suck you off right now."

it's a given, jongin justifies, with how hard he has gotten and how much it's probably showing through his jeans.

"hmm. you want my cock, yeah?" he says as he disconnects their mouths, holds chanyeol by the back of his head and puts a leg between chanyeol's thighs, just so he could grind against him. he can feel it, the sudden, sharp breaths coming out of chanyeol, and the way he holds jongin's waist to keep him in place. but he's not going anywhere.

he's right here, isn't he.

"so fucking bad," chanyeol whines. it's like he melts into goo with every touch from jongin. it's kind of endearing seeing a man this big just, becoming nothing and everything all at once in front of him. right against him.

jongin brings his face to chanyeol's again just to see how he looks at the moment. wrecked and blissed out. he might just come like this, maybe. they could try it sometime, if neither of then regrets what they're doing right now and are up for it later.

jongin could see how long chanyeol could last before he comes untouched. probably not long, jongin notes, given the way he keeps pushing up against jongin.

"how convenient that i'm so hard for you right now. do you really want it? you can feel it if you want to."

chanyeol's eyes widen. it's just as dark, just as deep, as they always have been, but right now he also looks like he's drunk or high. or both. or neither, and he's just so aroused to be in this situation with jongin. or without jongin. just the situation is what's making him horny. who could know. he's looking at jongin as if he still couldn't believe this is happening.

“go on,” jongin encourages. “i know you want to.”

and like the good boy he is, he cups jongin's dick above his jeans while whispering _i do, i do, i do._

at first, it's a soft, experimental touch. like he's scared to take it to the next level, or just hesitant to be at this level too. and then, when jongin bites his earlobe and encourages him to keep going, it's all he needs to harden the grip on him. he's nothing but squeezing jongin's cock with his fingers and palms, and jongin groans at his ear.

it's a greenlight for him to keep going, so chanyeol takes it, takes it well, and unzips jongin's jeans before taking out his dick into chanyeol's palms.

"wait. i changed my mind," jongin gasps. chanyeol freezes in place, looking lost and confused. so precious, so lovely. jongin holds chanyeol's head and brings their foreheads together. this is too intimate, but why does he feel comfortable instead of feeling intimidated by it. by what it could have meant. he caresses chanyeol's ears as gingerly as he can. "i mean, let me blow _you_ instead."

chanyeol's expression doesn't change. it's almost comical. "what. but you... but you're hard and i -"

"but i'm _aching_ to have a dick in my mouth," jongin rasps. "what about that?"

it takes a while for chanyeol to collect himself. when he does, he's nodding frantically once more. jongin has to bite back a smile. "okay. yeah, sure, _okay_."

without wasting any time, jongin's hands rush to undo chanyeol's belt but it poses as a difficult task. eventually, chanyeol has to undo it himself with his own shaky fingers and jongin has to stop him a few times and ask him if this is okay, if he's okay, before continuing to slide down his jeans just enough. jongin sinks to his knees, well aware of how hard he is, before lowering his hands beneath chanyeol's underwear and squeezing his ass.

he doesn't stop, not even to properly listen to the noises chanyeol makes - his voice already cracking just so his pleads come out husky and breathless. this is what jongin wants. to take back some of that power. to make chanyeol feel powerless for once. just this once. 

he lowers chanyeol's underwear from the front, and his dick springs out to hit him lightly in the face. jongin, although a little taken back, can't help but giggle.

chanyeol looks mortified, and jongin doesn't know why because he had thought it was rather sexy. "uh... surprise?" chanyeol says, unsure. he bunches up his jacket up to his chest just so both if them could have a nice view of what they were looking at, and peers from above it.

with a gentle smile, jongin takes ahold of chanyeol's dick and nuzzles his face right up against it, taking in its musky scent. this is a good smell. this is one of the best smells. better than his disgusting perfume, at least. 

chanyeol buckles up his hips again. so desperate, how lovely. he's so needy, so fucking horny that he doesn't even try to keep it to himself. jongin takes the hint and hooks one of chanyeol's legs above his shoulder. his face is much closer to chanyeol now so that works well. the strangled moan chanyeol lets out says it works.

jongin gives chanyeol's cock a few licks. it tastes salty, just how he'd predicted. finally, when he swallows around it in one go, he kind of just wants to sit still doing nothing, not moving an inch, just accommodate chanyeol's cock in his mouth without anything more. that would be fantastic. it feels nice, even now, right as they are. but now, he has to move, keep on going, just to hear chanyeol make those pretty little sounds.

so he tightens his mouth around it and moves to and fro the head. it seems to elicit a good reaction from chanyeol. just good? no, pretty sexy, and rather loud. jongin doesn't know how soundproof the closet is, especially since he can somewhat hear noises from outside. is anyone wondering where the two of them went.

a hand comes to the top of his head, pulls his face upwards. with his mouth open, tongue out, and tapping chanyeol's cock on said tongue, jongin can easily look up to finally take in the look on chanyeol's face. the flush of his neck and ears, runs down to his chest. just like the tip of his dick. red like the fire in his veins and the heat around them, in them, covering them up and enveloping them in like a tremendous avalanche.

"oh fuck. oh, shit shit _shit_ ," is all chanyeol can manage. he jerks his hips towards jongin, head falling back to hit the wall behind him at times, but comes back up just to see jongin. his back is starting to slide down, his posture almost in a slouch. "how are you so good at this. _fuck_."

"why?" jongin removes chanyeol's heavy cock out of his mouth, but his hand keeps still on it, wrapped around neat and tight, too tight for chanyeol to fuck into just to achieve some sort of a pleasure. this is exactly what jongin wants. power. right? "am i making you feel good?"

he should be. chanyeol's entirely fucked out, panting heavily and biting his lip until it's swollen and red. his thighs are shivering around jongin, warm and flushed. and he had kept on moaning jongin's name earlier, along with the god's name in vain, hadn't he.

these are pretty good signs that tell jongin he must at least be doing a decent job. but chanyeol - ever the stubborn, ever the obstinate. he won't give in. why not. he's got no problem kissing jongin, no holding back when it came down to wanting jongin's dick in his mouth. absolutely no hesitation whatsoever when it came to being a complete dick to him after they had mutually agreed to fuck.

and maybe that's why even as he's burning of arousal, the fucker has the audacity to give jongin the cockiest grin he could manage and say, "maybe."

there's a pause. jongin thinks he should leave chanyeol like this just to teach him a lesson or something. that would be hot too. and yet... it's so messed up, but he feels himself get harder. his dick pulsates furiously against him, and he nearly throws himself forward from how overwhelmed he feels. but forward means right into chanyeol's crotch yet again. 

he swallows hard and brushes chanyeol's leg off his shoulder. he palms himself under chanyeol's heated gaze and without a second to waste, he says, "turn around."

"what?"

" _turn around,_ " jongin repeats.

it only takes that before a confused chanyeol turns himself around, facing his back to jongin. his hands splay on the wall, legs apart, and he tilts his head back with a smirk. "what now."

jongins isn't sure _what now._ it's not like they're going to fuck. he's pretty sure neither of them are carrying any lube or condoms, and on top of that, this whole thing still feels too rushed. they should talk about this more before doing it again. but he can't think straight right now. his song is still playing on repeat, and his heart would not stop pounding in his chest.

he tugs chanyeol's underwear further down to reveal his ass, just so he can spread his cheeks apart. awaiting him is, well, his asshole. it's pink, no a bit deeper. red? _pretty_. jongin does whatever he does on impulse, which is to latch his mouth on it. he uses so much spit that it dribbles down his chin, but who cares. who the fuck cares.

jongin licks a wet stripe in-between and feels chanyeol shudder in return. he then manages to push his tongue inside the tight heat, and keeps on playing with his rim for several moments until chanyeol is begging to be fucked. but they can't. no matter how badly he wants it, they can't. not right now, anyway.

jongin's fingers that were tracing the insides of chanyeol's thighs earlier, sometimes fiddling with his balls, come to press against his hole.

"jesus christ," chanyeol hisses when jongin pushes just the tip of a finger against him. "that's too dry, what the fuck."

jongin sighs. he wasn't about to put it in. he just planned to tease chanyeol for a while. it is his fault that hadn't realised chanyeol would be such a brat during sex. even still, he wasn't wrong by any means. it was a dry finger and jongin can imagine how much it would burn.

"let me lick your fingers or something. let me _please please please_ lick them for you," chanyeol continues to beg. _beg_.

"fucking hell, chanyeol. you blow my mind," jongin says as he directs his fingers between chanyeol and the wall, which chanyeol then leans down to take into his mouth. jongin straightens up to reach better, and then pushes two of them right down chanyeol's throat, just once, slightly making him gag, mouth falling open yet still as if he needs more.

that should teach him.

in sloppy motions, he licks around jongin's knuckles, even doing as much as hollowing his cheeks and sucking on them. if jongin doesn't know better, he would say this would be the face chanyeol would make whilst sucking his dick and the thought excites him to no good.

when jongin removes his fingers, chanyeol's face falls into the wall with a whimper. his hand comes around to touch his cock but jongin won't let him have that.

"hands off your cock," he directs, but gently so chanyeol behaves. he does, and jongin would do anything in the world to see his face right now. possibly, his lips would quiver in a pout. the thought sends shivers down jongin's back. he prods one barely slick finger into the rim. it's still not much - still not his cock, but it should be enough for now.

he works a finger in and out of chanyeol with a lot of focus and concentration. chanyeol, like the good boy he is, the best, the sweetest baby there is, moans for him real nice. it's not even loud, quiet groans bit down, held back down, and it's the sexiest thing ever.

"that's. not enough," chanyeol grunts. "more, please, give me more. please, i'll do anything."

well, that's interesting. "anything?"

" _anything_. just - _please_."

"okay. stay still." jongin takes his finger out, observing closely at the way chanyeol's asshole looks right now. used. and yet, needing more, most probably. he kisses it one last time before standing up behind him. he slots his head on chanyeol's shoulder, forces him to face him. chanyeol whimpers upon seeing him.

"what a good boy," jongin coos before kissing him, swirling his tongue with chanyeol's. then, he lets go.

jongin runs his hands on chanyeol's back beneath his jacket. just because. just because he can. "what do we have here." he grips chanyeol's dick - hard - and starts jerking it. chanyeol's gasping too frantically. he might just come like this. could he, if they tried it. if jongin made him.

"it's yours," chanyeol says, sounding slightly dazed, a bit hazy.

"hmm? good call." while jacking him off, jongin reaches for his own dick. he locates it between chanyeol's asscheeks, moves it along to the movements of his hands. they're moving together in one frantic harmony.

"fuck, jongin. i'm so close," chanyeol breathes.

"yeah? you can come if you can." but jongin makes that ring tight again. just around his head. fuck, he couldn't come if he wanted to.

"please. i've been so good," chanyeol mewls. broken. broken, broken, broken.

"have you?"

"i'm trying to be. so good. so good to you. so, so good." jongin hums as if he's thinking it through. he sucks different spots on chanyeol's neck. treats the bow and arrow tattoo on the side of it as a target. although, there are times he just fans his breath right there, just to smell how chanyeol smelled like. just so. just because. "isn't it enough?"

wordlessly, jongin starts to move his hand again. and with that, slamming his hips forward, with a broken cry on his lips, chanyeol comes into jongin's hand. maybe it's enough. maybe.

they stay like that for a while until they can breathe steady again. chanyeol turns to face him, looks over to jongin's hand - his come on jongin's hand.

jongin doesn't know what to do with it. he has a sudden urge to lick it off. like he had wanted to lick the sweat off chanyeol's body, as weird as it sounds. he just might. lick the come off chanyeol's body. some had ended up there anyway.

there's a tension between them. he can feel it. chanyeol can too, definitely. the atmosphere between them is heavy, but not awkward. jongin's never been good in situations like this. not that he had been in many, either.

"wow," chanyeol gasps.

well, that's somewhere to start with.

he grabs the towel he had earlier, the one he had kept on the table, and hands it to jongin. it's drenched from chanyeol's sweat, and at the back of his mind, jongin thanks whoever answered his wishes in relation to chanyeol’s sweat. he wipes his hands without looking up, without any words, and yet his heart speaks louder than any words could. thumps against his chest like it wants out, wants to beat against chanyeol's instead.

"do you, maybe... i don't know, regret doing that with me?" chanyeol then asks. so softly. jongin doesn't know why he's still not sure of what jongin has been telling him with his mouth closed.

jongin sighs lightly. he towels chanyeol's abdomen clean, too, with touches so subtle as wind when it kisses the tops of flowers in spring. he contemplates by himself as chanyeol waits for an answer. what's the answer. he doesn't regret it, no. not at all, by any means. but he isn't sure where and how this goes from here. where does it lead them. and nowhere isn't a good answer, it never is. not quite enough.

"how can i," he replies carefully. "do you?"

"i don't," chanyeol says instantly.

"okay." jongin finally meets chanyeol's eyes. they pulls him in like they always do. how fascinating, how miraculously mind-blowing. "i had hoped you wouldn't. thank you again. for uh, the song. but we should... probably leave now."

chanyeol is still staring at him. like _how_ , is what jongin can't ever seem to put his fingers on. how is chanyeol looking at him like. with what intentions bubbling within him. what goes through his head. through his heart, when he sees jongin.

"yeah. yeah, of course. you're still hard, though?"

"i'm aware," jongin says with a teasing smile. it seems to ease them both. chanyeol breaks into a soft chuckle. before he can offer to do anything about it, jongin says, "it's alright. i can deal with it later." he would most definitely have to stand in front of thousands of people with a hard on. incredible.

"will you -" chanyeol starts to say. takes a deep breath to calm his mind. "will you think of me. when you, you know, do."

jongin doesn't know what he had expected him to say. not this, definitely. not this brave. but now that he had said it, it does sound like something he would say.

purposefully, jongin presses himself against chanyeol, so close - so, so close just so he could feel just how hard jongin still is. his hands come to squeeze the muscles of chanyeol's arm - he seems to always like that kind of attention.

"maybe."

 

 **THREE** _. won't you make a plan to love me sometime soon_

there are times mundane, day-to-day activities feel like they last as long as forever and a day, whilst some seem to conclude way too soon. time as volant as violent winds during a storm. with all haste, in a trice. like greased lightning at warp speed. the feeling akin to that of when you're enjoying the time, moving fast, moving slow. all at the same time. just moving. sometimes going through in motions. but in a more alacritous manner.

oh, how quickly time speeds when you lay your mind on top of a charging train going at full speed.

chanyeol and jongin have had several talks since then. they sorted out their issues, number one being that neither of them were quite sure on what to do about being in love. dealing with feelings such as that was a foreign game, out of their lanes and reach.

talking about the direction of their relationship also made it apparent that jongin enjoyed cozy dates at cafés and museums, while chanyeol showed off his (now) boyfriend out at expensive dinners and concerts - and a wrestling match a few times. (jongin didn't think he would like it. but once chanyeol had told him that they were mostly acting out scripted scenes, he was sold.)

they also often sang together. more than they used to, at least. chanyeol still coaches jongin on aspects regarding songwriting, and jongin thanks him with cuddles.

and sex. amazing, mind-blowing sex. now that they have understood each other, and aren't hesitant to express themselves, they realise how much better the sex has developed to be.

similar to how the creator of the universe never truly stops his work. with every newborn baby, every seed of a plant, the process continues on and on.

likewise, everyday, chanyeol and jongin are growing, too, alongside the universe, expanding themselves within and out of their boundaries. gradually.

x

the heaven and the earth used to be combined into one. consolidated and meld into a solitary. a sole instrument. floating through existence like it was insubstantial. feathers of a bird seemed less lightweight. so elaborate and delicate, but not impussant. never resistless. never that. but that was before a force so strong clawed it asunder. broke it apart into two separate, entirely different, contrasting bodies.

this process, but in reverse, is how chanyeol and jongin comes together as one. nothing but clawing desperately on skins, sinking in enough fingers to keep ahold of and latch onto each other.

they move, quick and brisk. something like leaves being knocked out of a tree, one by one, as the disastrous winds break against the trunk. likewise, chanyeol's knees knock up against jongin's, and they giggle right then as they are, because this is actually happening. neither of them can still believe it.

it doesn't get better than this, jongin thinks as he feverishly kisses chanyeol's mouth, longingly grasping every bit of chanyeol that can fit into his palms, gasping every once in a while as a devilish heat sheathes around them.

they take their sweet time taking off their clothes. jongin pushes chanyeol to lie on his back, head propped up so he could clearly see jongin sitting on his knees, putting on a show for his lover.

in harmony with the music around them, he slowly takes off the last remaining piece of his clothing and smiles wickedly. chanyeol's heart sinks down only to jump back up, and as though to feel it, to perceive it for himself, jongin clasps chanyeol's chest. takes in the warmth. the feeling of love and frenzy. _amour fou_. insane love.

their faces come close, almost touching, almost not. there are hands on his back that pull him close. pull him in. he wants to kiss. he wants to kiss him so bad. but with their chests heaving up and down with each nervous breath, and his mind in a chaotic commotion from trying to believe how good things are for him right now, at this moment, jongin can only smile against chanyeol's lips. and it is alright for now.

there's nothing quite like naked bodies coming close together, skin on skin. a spitting distance from each other. that's something he could do. spit in chanyeol's mouth and lick it thoroughly with a kiss. right now he's caught between wanting to do that and the need to feel chanyeol's hand on him.

"hey," chanyeol whispers. out of breath. out of his mind.

"hi."

"what are you thinking about?"

jongin runs a finger on chanyeol's brow, lets it slide down the side of his face to his jaw, and then up to fondle with his ear. "you. thinking of what to do with you. too many things on my mind now."

chanyeol laughs. "we've got all the time in the world for that. what's first on your list?"

"kiss you. again and again and again. never getting tired of this mouth." jongin squishes chanyeol's cheeks until his mouth puckers into a pout. cute. "never getting tired of you."

chanyeol removes jongin's hands but doesn't let go. the weight of jongin's body on top of his doesn't seem to bother him one bit. "me neither."

and then he kisses jongin once more. and then twice, thrice, and then even more times until jongin loses count. nearly loses his mind. chanyeol kisses all over jongin's face, even nuzzles into his neck just to take in a heavy, content breath.

jongin climbs off chanyeol’s body and lies down next to him on the opposite side with his face leveled to his dick. he makes sure chanyeol sees him, just as good as he feels, as he licks a stripe up his cock that was already hardening.

could jongin take him all in like this. he craves it. to keep pushing it deeper, deeper down still, until it's buried at the back of his throat, face pressing up against chanyeol's pelvis. he could try.

as he's working on that, he sees chanyeol grabbing a bottle of lube. he makes a ruckus trying to remove his rings and placing them on the bedside table. he then lathers some lube into his hand and warms it up with his fingers before gently pressing them against jongin's asshole. he wants it. this. him. chanyeol in him sounds like a dream so close to him.

"have you always touched here by yourself a lot?" chanyeol asks conversationally. to distract jongin from the intrusion. ease him a little.

"sometimes," jongin replies after a while. he jerks chanyeol off with his hand so he can think better, especially with chanyeol's finger about to slide into him any moment now. "only when i'm extremely horny. what about you?"

"there are times i couldn't get off without doing it." his middle finger slides in a knuckle deep. deeper still. jongin whimpers, partially from the newly acquired information. "feel good?"

"yeah. fuck. really good.”

"how do i taste?"

"delicious," jongin says cheekily. "wanted to have this in my mouth the first time i saw it. and just... keep it in there, you know."

chanyeol laughs in amusement. "cock warming? really?"

"among other things." as jongin lazily strokes chanyeol's cock and hums to himself, he says, "is that why you wanted me to finger you. backstage? you begged for it."

an eyebrow shoots up. "oh, yeah. without lube though, hurt like a motherfucker." jongin snickers, although feeling a bit bad.

chanyeol lifts him a little and jongin gets the hint. he climbs back on top of chanyeol, but this time with his ass to his face. he arches his back real nice and wiggles his ass a bit. chanyeol groans, although his breath hitches, and gives it a light slap before working a finger in again. it is soon followed by another, which he pushes in and out slowly. gradually. 

chanyeol keeps asking over and over if he's feeling good. and he is. so good. too good to even talk while making sense, and so all he can do is curse incoherently and moan around chanyeol's dick.

at some point, jongin can't even focus on the blowjob he's supposed to give. every time he's about to take chanyeol's cock into his mouth, chanyeol twists a finger or does something that would weaken jongin so quick. reduce him almost to a pile of jelly.

the next time he gets it in his mouth, chanyeol pushes in a third finger and spreads them inside him, scissors him harshly, and the dick in his mouth pops back out as his mouth falls open with a moan.

"jesus christ, chanyeol," jongin grits, pushing his ass back to feel it even more. he hoists himself on his palms and turns his head to see chanyeol doing the work, almost mechanically, like he was doing a systematic job like writing one of his songs or something, with his eyebrows furrowed in concentration and everything. his cheeks flushed in a lovely pink, hair flopped on top of his forehead, and bottom lip caught between his teeth. sighing happily, jongin drops himself back down.

"how do you want to do this?"

"i don't care."

"come on. you or me on top? whatever you want."

"only a prude would ask all these questions. and you are many things, but not that, park chanyeol."

chanyeol grins sheepishly as jongin gets up to face him again. "get to work, soldier." he pats chanyeol's thigh. but even after he's said it, it's he who takes chanyeol's hand, the one that's been inside him just now, and directs it to his mouth.

he licks around each finger, swirling his tongue between the digits. just because. chanyeol watches him, still. hungrily. unmoving. starstruck, almost.

it's fucking dirty. they both know it. jongin can see chanyeol itching to ask something about it. he's so talkative, such a curious one on bed. who knew.

"how's that taste like?"

finally.

jongin pretends to be thinking about it. "like... ass." he laughs. and so does chanyeol. and the way his mouth opens up, and as his chest trembles, their world stops like one. jongin can't help but kiss him again.

"i'm going to put it in me and you're going to watch me do it," jongin says as he positions himself. chanyeol nods obediently, almost too enthusiastically. his hair moves along with the movements of his head. how sweet, how lovely.

jongin lifts his ass a bit and reaches behind him to line chanyeol's cock to his ass before sinking down with a cry. it takes a while to get used to it at first. always does. but when he finally does, he grinds down and then lift his hips up, only to sink down once more.

"fucking hell," chanyeol breathes. his hands never leave their place on jongin's thigh. not once.

"yeah? that feel good?"

"shit." jongin does something with his hips and chanyeol's brain nearly short-circuits. "so fucking good. do that again."

he does. and then leans back to fuck himself better. chanyeol doesn't stop moaning. he's so good at it, voice low and deep. never too loud, but not held back either. his groans come out in sharp, sudden hisses and grunts, and jongin's name seldom seems to leave his tongue.

"let me fuck you," chanyeol whines. pleads with his large eyes.

"you are, aren't you," jongin says between thrusts. just to make chanyeol whine harder. because he's still the one doing all the work. but maybe chanyeol has had it with roaming his hands all over jongin's body. he wants to _fuck_ him. the thought excites jongin.

"please please please, i - oh, _fuck_." there it is. "i really want to. i'll do you so good."

"yeah?"

"yeah, shit. i'll do you so _good_ ," he repeats breathlessly. so jongin lets chanyeol lay him down on his back. this way, the view is pretty much the same, albeit from the opposite perspective. he can still see how reddened chanyeol's skin is, how much he's starting to sweat. his tattoos are glistening almost. his swollen lips form into a smile as he pounds into jongin. he would lean in to kiss the one tattoo jongin has on his hips. a sea goat, representing his star sign.

they have matching constellation tattoos, for fuck's sake. it doesn't get cheesier than this.

"are you okay? you feel good?"

"mmm. you're doing amazing, chanyeol."

chanyeol moans. "it's going so deep in you.  
so tight. _fuck_." jongin can only keep listening to him. "touch yourself for me?" so jongin tugs his cock a few times, admittedly too worn out, too fucked out to put much energy into it. but chanyeol seems satisfied with that much too. he whispers, "wow, so hot." and jongin barely, almost, catches it. thank god. he grins. can't help but.

"feel it. feel how well you're being fucked." chanyeol says, taking jongin's hand and directing it between them. down to where chanyeol is thrusting into him. he makes him press his fingers there, so he can feel it going in and out of him. there's a wet, squelching sound due to the lube, and it's mixed with the ragged noise jongin makes at the back of his throat.

"shit." jongin closes his eyes, settles back down just to feel it.

chanyeol nods in agreement, still smiling. just because he can't control it. his whole face is glowing. he must be an angel. there's no other explanation.

his movements are starting to get shakier, which hints that maybe he's close. but he's already leaning down on him, crowding over him, hovering just above his face. he bites jongin's earlobe, pulls it a bit and lets go just to tell jongin he's about to come. so what. is it bad that jongin wants him to come in him. that would be a quite a hassle to clean up, but he's willing. maybe. he's considering it for sure.

but chanyeol takes it out and settles on jongin's chest. then, he directs his pumping cock at jongin's mouth, which he reflexively opens up in a warm welcome. jongin catches chanyeol in surprise when he lifts his head just to lick the tip of it into his mouth, sucking on it with hollowed cheeks and all. chanyeol moans the loveliest way and just as he's about to let himself go, jongin releases him, making chanyeol come on his face with a broken sob.

he has shit aim. his come shoots in strings mostly on jongin's forehead, probably in his hair. that's worse than cleaning it out of his ass, jongin thinks idly. but this is fine too, for now. chanyeol's a fucking sight like this. jongin wants to drink in this memory to never forget it, and rewind it whenever he'd like. maybe touch himself later to the thought of it. maybe. maybe.

chanyeol slides lower to lie on top of him again. he nuzzles close to jongin's face and does this weird thing where he inhales really sharply, taking in the smell of his own come. jongin doesn't care much about it, but reminds himself to ask him about this smelling thing later sometime.

right now, he's still hanging hard and heavy, and he just wants to come so bad. luckily, chanyeol's hand wraps around him - kisses his neck and plays with one of his nipples as he fists jongin's dick with his other hand. he slides a finger on the slit and twists his wrist. it's the only thing that takes for jongin to buckle up his hips and come into chanyeol's hand.

they're silent for a while afterwards. still. unmoving. jongin wonders whether they are always going to be this quiet every time they have a go at each other. jongin's so used to chanyeol. so comfortable around him. maybe this is okay too, for now. not all times should words be necessary. in the way chanyeol lays his head on jongin's arm and wraps a leg around his body, pulling him near, jongin can feel a love that's unspoken. that doesn't require words. just this. just this is enough.

but there's still something. a little something dangerous and evil hiding through corners of his mind. every time they fuck, the thought just lingers. he thinks _fuck it_. takes the chance. he is scared. he wants to say something, given what happened the first time they did this. even though he doesn't remember it, he remembers everything else that followed afterwards. it was just... shitty. and it's still irking him, even now. even after all this. 

and it's like jongin's heart pumps messages to chanyeol's, or he can read jongin's mind from here. whatever it is, chanyeol's a damn genius. or just the sweetest, most attentive man. before jongin could say anything, chanyeol is kissing a random spot his lips would reach on jongin's chest.

"i won't leave you this time, i swear."

they are idiots. still growing. learning. trying to figure shit out everyday. gradually. at least they have each other to hold and love. it's more than enough. it's all they need.

x

after parties are always something else. everyone is mostly drunk or on the way there. sehun has his head on baekhyun's head, his hair being played with lazily. his eyes are closed, but even in the dim lights, it's clear to see that he is sporting a satisfied, almost serene, smile on his face. baekhyun, above his head, is holding one of the karaoke mics as he belts out some of sehun's favourite songs. led zeppelin, def leppard, that kind of stuff. baekhyun's voice is mesmerising. even jongin knows this, as he lets the soft vocals drift into him like air would for him to breathe.

he feels drowsy. a little sleepy and tired. chanyeol's arm around his shoulders is the only thing that's keeping him up. chanyeol doesn't drink much. only enough to get tipsy. he's trying to cut it down a notch, and jongin is a big help in that process.

he's so close to him. close enough that jongin can smell his awful perfume coming from his neck. he makes sure to exaggerate his disgust, scrunching up his whole face when chanyeol makes him smell the scent on his wrist. his smile doesn't falter with jongin's reaction, only grows broader, bigger. he snuggles closer. he's so warm like this. so comfortable. so happy as chanyeol whispers one thing or the other into his ear, sometimes breathing too heavily and making jongin tickle. he can only move closer, still.

among all the noise, suddenly there are loud cheers and screams of his name. a chant. they are all looking at him, expectedly. for what. he turns to chanyeol in question who just shrugs in return. he's smiling, though. as if to say, go for it. so when a mic is thrusted into his face, he takes it.

"the night won't end without our vocalist's voice!" minseok exclaims. more cheers.

jongin goes over to the front and stands in front of the screen projecting the lyrics for them to sing along to. instead, the light shines on him now, glows right into his eyes. when he blinks, he can see stars behind his lids. when he opens them, he sees a star before him too.

this star has the most beautiful eyes, all black and nothing less. he's got a handsome suit on, his shirt beneath it open down to his chest, necklaces lying on top of his ink. the bow and arrow peaks through. and so does his beautiful smile.

adrenaline pumps through jongin's system as the music starts. slow at first. the music gradually builds up until his voice is an angelic cry, eyes closed and head floating up in the sky amongst the clouds. he's grips on the microphone like one would on their entire life, trying to bring it back together for love. for love, for love, for love. this is the second time he's got to sing his song. first at the concert earlier. all thanks to chanyeol. maybe a little thanks to himself too.

when the song ends, chanyeol's the first to spring up to his feet. applause from everyone chimes in, meshes into one. jongin can't hold back his smile. he's so, so, so blessed at this moment.

just then, the music switches to something so familiar. his ears recognise it immediately.

 _oh, i wanna dance with somebody_  
_i wanna feel the heat with somebody_  
_yeah, i wanna dance with somebody_  
_with somebody who loves me_

everyone's on their feet now, moving along to the funky groove mindlessly. even sehun jumps off from baekhyun's lap, the two of them dancing by themselves in a little bubble of their own. so does jongin as he starts to sing with little on his mind. some even sing with him. whilst the blinking lights and the flashy clothes surround around him, jongin moves smoothly to stand before chanyeol. he can hear nothing but the music and his own voice.

at this moment, chanyeol is a lot like his heartbeat: unstill, restless, jumping along with the music, and his own.

 _oh, i wanna dance with somebody_  
_i wanna feel the heat with somebody_  
_yeah, i wanna dance with somebody_  
_with somebody who loves me_

jongin likes this. flashy lights, dancing bodies against and on top of each other. drinking until he feels full of it, until his insides are swarming in alcohol. like this, he sees the world different. sees a divergent world that contradicts his usual. colours blink at him, sounds of music and people cheering filter through him, and he takes it all in like a champ. he takes in a breath, albeit quivering for reasons he doesn't understand.

and then he's just dancing in chanyeol's arms. his own arms around his neck. doesn't even have to pull him close because something else already does. he's close to his face, near to his heart. dancing in circles around him, behind him, cloaking all over him like smoke.

he can do this all night. all day. all the time. for as long as he lives. dancing, singing. chanyeol. all bonuses to him, even though these, he'd asked for. some days spent silently praying for love.

love is here before him, dancing with him to a whitney houston hit song and it doesn't get better than this.

this is love, this is love, this is love.

 

 **BONUS: ZERO.**   _first you want to ride off into the sun. then, you shoot straight to the moon. won't you make a plan to love me sometime soon?_

when the song is close to an end and jongin's too tired to continue dancing anymore, chanyeol suggests they head home. home. whose home. either one of theirs. jongin giggles as chanyeol helps put on his coat, and they leave hand in hand, down the elevator, after jongin's kissed sehun's forehead and wished everyone good night.

it's pouring heavily outside. what now. they can't even walk properly without bumping into each other's hips so maybe it's not a good idea to drive home. but there are no taxis around here at this hour. they'll have to walk. they want to walk. chanyeol's house should not be so far away from here anyway. jongin lifts his coat above his head, as if that does anything. they should probably run. or something. but he wants to savour the moment. let it sink into him like rainwater would seep through the mud.

it would be really sexy to makeout as they are like this. in the rain, soaking through their suits. water running between their faces and into their kisses. jongin's about to go for it, but the thought slips his mind when chanyeol accidentally steps on a puddle of water. they both double over laughing. so now they clearly have to jump into more.

by the time they get home, they are absolutely drenched. they take off their muddy shoes at chanyeol's door but cannot be bothered at all to cringe at the mess it makes. jongin finally remembers his plan from earlier. through a drunken haze, he wonders if he should push chanyeol back out to the rain so they can have their romantic movie kiss.

but all he does is pull him by the collar and kiss him against the door. chanyeol’s whimpers flood between their mouths instead of the rain. he squeezes jongin's hand tighter.

they take a shower and best believe chanyeol makes every excuse to join him inside. they sit in the warm bathtub for what feels like hours. jongin nearly falls asleep into the unnecessary amount of bath bubbles as chanyeol gently massages some shampoo into his scalp. chanyeol boops his nose and gets close to give it a kiss, but before he can, it's jongin who kisses his nose instead. they are becoming one ball of giggly babies, and jongin suggests they get out of the bath to warm up as soon as possible.

"but i _am_ warm," chanyeol mutters.

"oh, come here, you big baby." jongin makes a show of tugging chanyeol’s whole body up by his arms. he might as well as just drag him out by the feet or something, because chanyeol is pretty hard move. he just wouldn't budge.

eventually, with very serious (pinky) promises for extra warm cuddles, featuring jongin as the little spoon, he lets himself be carried by jongin to his room. 

jongin flops chanyeol on the bed. they bounce a little once, twice, because chanyeol does not have the heart to let go.

chanyeol dresses up a giggly jongin in one of his shorts and an old sweater. he even pulls some fuzzy socks on jongin's feet just because he had still been shivering. they reach nearly up to his knees. jongin feels so pretty like this. and comfortable. always comfy with chanyeol. he thinks chanyeol's about to take some time getting himself dressed for bed too.

"i like watching you get dressed,” he confesses out of the blue. eyes drifting close. there's something serene and peaceful about the air. he knows chanyeol probably knows. he always catches him in action. always.

chanyeol laughs. "how perverted of you." he switches off the lights and joins him on the bed. pulls the covers up to their chests, and pulls jongin close to his chest.

"what to do. you're just so beautiful," jongin exclaims like it's the most obvious fact (it is), smelling how fresh chanyeol smells when he attacks jongin with a merciless cuddle. like his strawberry soap. it's a good soap. a good soap for a good chanyeol.

"you're more,” chanyeol says as though they were five. jongin would fight him on this. but all he can do is sigh and smile.

he loves this. he loves chanyeol.

chanyeol tries to count the freckles on jongin's cheeks, probably just an excuse to probe fingers on him. he gets confused and has to start over several times. does he ever give up.

_he loves chanyeol._

jongin slips a leg between chanyeol's. his bare skin is warm and cold at the same time. "why are you naked?" he grumbles. they aren't five, he swears.

"it's comfortable,” chanyeol purrs. “don't you like naked me?"

"naked you is cold." jongin scrunches his nose. then after a long time he says, "you drumming. or coming. whatever makes you sweaty and everything. i like that. and you dancing. and singing with me." he exhales dreamily. "tonight was good."

“you're good,” chanyeol all but whispers.

"you're more,” jongin says. cannot fight the feelings in him. taking over him, turning him into jelly. "shh."

"i didn't say anything."

"your chest vibrates when you laugh."

"that's just my heart beating for you." jongin chooses to ignore cheesy chanyeol. just to hear him whine like he does. he loves the attention. gets loud when he doesn't get it.

long silence.

followed by chanyeol breaking into a laugh with his whole body. where's his signature whine. as if on cue, he makes that little noise jongin adores. there it is. it's so musical and melodic. beautiful. the best sound. better than any instrument. any other noise. he loves when chanyeol is laughing. especially knowing he is the reason behind it.

"don't you like that kind of cheesy stuff?"

he does. what can he do. he's a sucker for it. especially coming from chanyeol. jongin hides his growing smile on chanyeol's chest so neither of them see it.

"unfortunately."

chanyeol is a dangerous blanket hogger. he takes up most of the space from the bed with his long limbs. takes over jongin's heart and lets himself spread on it with no care in the world.

it is then, with an armful of chanyeol humming some song with his eyes closed and cold toes curling around jongin's, that jongin realises how chanyeol wants and needs, loves and desires him just as much as he did. _does_. he knows it now. the way he had wished it then.

he thinks to himself that they wouldn't hold each other this lovingly and whisper promises the winds would help spiral around them - chanyeol wouldn't dare press his face close to jongin, right above his fluctuating heartbeat and a new tattoo of an arrow alike to the one on chanyeol's neck, where they would sleep until the sun awoke - had they not been in love. it gives him peace, security, and just a little bit of yearning hope for the next day.

here they loved, and love still.

just as jongin slips into his dreams, chanyeol kisses the top of his head. ruffles his hair. holds him tighter. unable to ever let go. "sweet dreams."

drowsy. half asleep. "wow..." murmurs these words without thinking twice. "i feel loved."

he doesn't hear the reply. it's whispered into his ear, breathed into existence on every part of his body. every corner of the universe.

_"that's because you are, sweetheart._

_you are."_

**Author's Note:**

> title: bon jovi - always  
> lyrics in between: bright eyes - make a plan to love me soon
> 
> admittedly i wrote this in a rush so it's kind of... :// but it did help me out of a block so yay lolol nevertheless thank u for reading~
> 
> ♡ check out ThunderMeetsEXO's fanart! ^^ [ theexoticthunder](https://theexoticthunder.tumblr.com)
> 
> ♡[ my twitter](https://twitter.com/sezkdl)


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